Right Now #2

i cant believe you waited for me to get off the swan boats jus to approach me n say hi! its been 5 years since i last saw you; thas goin back to middle school days. i was forreal so surprised tha i couldnt even gather my thoughts n say more. was trippin over how freakennn huge you are now! n your voice. deep. hahahah mindfuckkkkk. you said we should hang out sometime, so i told you to hit me up on facebook then, putting the ball in your court. i dont expect you to follow thru, n i wont give a fuck if you dont. if you do, sweet. were jus so far from the kids we used to be, so very involved with lives apart from each others now. honestly, i miss those days of simple friendships n careless decisions, n ill always value those times with you, but im not down for stressing over how to get you back in my life. i just dont give a fuck. 


these months have made me careful. for my own welfare, i need to worry bout myself jus a lil more, accept circumstances as they are sooner than later, n keep fuckin coastin.


i cannot place my personal expectations n standards on others, unless i wanna keep setting myself up for disappointment. jus cos something seems to be common sense in my head, does not mean it is in yours. even though you keep me upset n confused n waiting on answers, from your end, you probably see everything as straightforward n self-explanatory, n i need to finally understand tha. i cannot hold you accountable for the wrongs in my head when your alibi has never left your lips.


i need to stop romanticizing the meaningless.


i like new books. it makes me very happy that borders is closing. bankruptcy is goodddddd.


my sisters are lovely.


thank you for being amazed by my art, even tho its nothing worthy of your reaction. i forreal needed support like yours


fathers short-term memorys been deteriorating for years now, so chi h    said we cant be mad at him for most things, like not filling out urgent, overdue forms.


i dont want to sleep, cos the second i close my eyes, the hours will disappear n ill wake up to my first day back at noballs.


at the same time, my anxietys exhausting. i just want my mind to go blank for a minute n stop feeling the stiffness in my spine.


my emotions still hold the power to my aura, n right now, all is feelin shitty. 


i hope youre sleeping healthily right now.


i hope you kids arent eating junkyass foods.


i hope you stop blaming yourself.


i hope you rerealize your self-worth.


i hope you lose your complacency. 


i hope you heal.


i forgot tha hey arnolds the shitttt. too fucking bomb.


fuck having my mind eaten up by negativity.