Restlessness

My thoughts keep racing, as they have been for a while now. They keep me up at night, keep me aching.

I have shit to be doing, but I'm not doing a good job of doing it...

I just wanna read poetry and Elie Weisel for dayssss...

I wish we'd had that flan party. I don't know why I wasn't more into him coming over at the time.

I have this weird potential plan to familiarize my parents with any of the guys I hang out with. That way, if they grow to trust them, having them over, going over to their places, and going out together wouldn't be such issues. It shocked me how chill they were when DeReK and Moh just chilled at home for hours. I'm hoping I can get that same response going, like with Sebas and his Rozzie neighbors.

We talked about how dope lust is, and then mermaids, and then animals, and then poop. He told me I have zero humor but that I'm ten unspecified units deep. He told me that he'd been feeling especially lustful the other day, and that if he had invited me over, he might've ended up doing something he'd regret...that came out of the blue and both surprised and confused me. What exactly would he have done??? It was an unexpected thing to hear, but it didn't matter much at the time. Now that I'm thinking back to it and our conversation, it's kind of weird/creepy as fuck, right?

I really don't mean to be a stalker, I swearrrrr, but...a photo he was tagged in came up on my newsfeed because some of our mutuals liked it, and I got kind of jealous at the fact that some Viet girl was all over him. She even profile pictured it, and it's no shot in the dark to say she's mad into him. But whatever, I'm being really dumb. Hahah, I don't even know the dude.

Friday night = nighttime holiday pics and dinner. I have mixed feelings about the plans. On the one hand, I miss them like cray and wanna spend time together, but on the other hand, I'm not looking forward to his presence. It already bothers me enough that he answers my texts for her without clarifying that it's him. She told him that if I don't like him, there is no she and him. It's endearing, but I know it can't be true at this point...and truth be told, my opinion of him is less than positive...

Actually, it's bordering on straight up shit.

Ugh, thinking about him forreal makes me consider coming up with other plans for my night...

It's strange to me how I can feel both unrelentingly hateful and unsuspectingly tender. In either case, I don't think I come across as extreme as I do in voiceless words.

Now, I'm gonna look at some more colleges to apply to because I'm silly as fuck and find some enjoyment in that.

♥