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Friday, November 23, 2012

Thanksgiving 2012 Pt. 2

I am so fucking blessed.

These have been some of the best days I've had in a long while, and not the kind of best where there's one or two moments that make the day stick out in my mind, but the kind that are memorable because of how much consistent positive energy and good vibes there are. They've been a stark contrast to the gloom I've grown comfortable with.

Thanksgiving One + Thanksgiving Two/Jenga Night + Movie Slumber Party = Nirvana

Thanksgiving for Breakfast + ICA/Os Gemeos + The Creperie + A Stroll on Newbury + Home-cooked Dinner + Sistah = Nguyening*

(*This whole week's been the definition of "nguyening," regardless of yo last name, nawmean?)

Jenga night was intensely epic. I've never felt so much raw emotion come out during a family game night, and I feel lucky to have been there. Shit, everyone was on the verge of tears the whole night. Just full of sweet potatoes and the even sweeter answers to life and love. Nancy needs to either write a philosophical book or get herself a talk show and be the asian Oprah fused with the asian Dr. Phil.

"I want to be someone I'm proud of, without compromising who my family would be proud of."

"This sounds so cheesy, but I literally wake up every morning and remember that my parents came from nothing."

"I never told anyone this, but I was really depressed with where I was professionally. I'm finally happy now that I'm serving the under-served."

"One of my biggest regrets is not committing to a relationship."

"Even though she's the one you love, the family will be torn apart if not everyone accepts her. Family is love, too."

"I can just see how much you love and appreciate being here with all of us, in our family...I could just cry talking about how much you love this, love us."

"I'm thankful for the power to shape my destiny." (I don't know if I agree.)

"Love is unexplainable, it's feeling comfortable, and it's complicated...I suck at explaining things."

"Are you attracted to Kimmie? I know you have a girlfriend and that you two grew up together, but Kimmie's such a strong woman. I just feel so much sexual tension..." (LOL DAFUQ...Nancy was damn drizzy off of wine. We cringed before setting her straight.)

"What wakes me up in the morning? Bacon--and Jenn making that bacon."

"This makes me want to be a better person!!!! Oh merr gawd, I think I've reached nirvana!!!"

"Don't hold the beer bottle, it's incriminating! Here, take this red cup instead."

"Woah woah woah...he said what? Beer pong? Aren't you 14?"

"Yes, dude, she's a MILF!"

"Ok, we'll keep the questions PG...so, are you a pisces???? OMG, no waaaay, what a shocker!"

"I would be a bear with claws, eagle wings, and kangaroo legs, with the pouch too. That way, I can steal honey from tall trees." (Drunken logic)

The whole night, we were either doubled over laughing or listening and empowering. It was wonderful--the feel-good stomach cramps, the goosebumps, and the way my heart trembled affirmed that it was.

Largo's a bamf, and it felt nice to just kick back to a movie with Drew while all the beauties slumbered. It's been a few years now, but we're not as close as I know we can be.

Dana I'm a terrible auntie but so thankful that she still loves me. Facetiming soon

I fucking love the ICA, not only for the love of art but specifically for its waterfront views from both inside and out. While the sisters and Drew explored the rest of the level, I slipped away and sat alone amidst strangers, staring out at the harbor and taking the time to journal on my itouch. My romanticized memories of the past always rush to me the hardest when I'm there...The longing isn't bitter; for me, it's part of what makes the museum's atmosphere all the more lovely.

Today, I thought about what I want to mean to my loved ones:

Home.

To everyone who loves me enough to welcome me into their world, I want to feel like home away from home, where my arms are shelter and my compassion is sustenance. I want to be a reason for them to feel safe. And, when it comes to significant other type ish, it would definitely be one of the most romantic, affirming things to hear.

While we took levitation photos of us hand in hand, it hit me that I couldn't remember the last time we'd done this, held hands.

Ain't nobody fresher than my motherfucking clique! We rolled up to Itadaki to get my last check, but I ended up not even needing yakuza-style reinforcement. It was just Hieng out front, and he was super nice and ran in for my check for me. I almost wish I had gone in to be openly smug towards the owners, but spite is pointless and regressive. I do wish I'd been in less of a hurry and talked to Hieng more--I miss him! He told me work's been shitty, lol. He's been cutting shifts shorter and shorter, more and more. I'm happy for him, happy that he's moving on to something actually worth his worth.

I got nervous at dinner, scared that momma was upset. We cleared the table lightening quick.


Anh Tri is a piece of shit. Every new thing I hear about him makes me absolutely sick and beside myself with hate. Cleaver said, "The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less," and he spoke the truth. I hate that he is blood, my family's blood; it's just sickening that we share lineage. In a way, what I feel towards him is, to a degree, self-hate. But I'm more ready to be this bitter than to ever allow myself to forgive his fuckery as a father, son, cousin. Fuck him. Sad to admit, but I honestly do wish him hell.

For the first time since summer, I saw Nhi, and we bawled for a minute. It was like hugging a woman who'd been to hell and back. I realized how stupidly I had let work get in the way of life. Love is everything, and I'd forgotten that.

Meeting Luciano was...I don't know. Nice? Weird? Unnerving?

And shit, the sketchyass man who came up to us asking for weed...why I don't go for walks after the sun goes down...God help him.

Sleep. I need sleep for tomorrow's continuation of nguyening.

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